Thinking

December 30, 2015

Hello.
Today has just been a lot of sitting around and thinking. So of course I decided to put my thoughts into words and write. I thought about putting a camera on and making a video, but we all know how good I am at that. I’ve been having strange dreams lately and I am trying to decipher the cause. I thought it was too much dairy before bed, then I realized I don’t really like dairy and don’t eat or drink it.
I then thought it was because I stay up too late watching internet videos and being unproductive. Then there is the fact that I watch Netflix 24/7. Then I finally realized it was because I daydream too much and am always thinking about the most random situations and it is reappearing in my dreams. 
Sometimes they are scary and other times they are just a jumbled mess. I guess I will just have to find something to fill my days…yeah like that’ll happen. How is it two days away from 2016. I feel like I was just going into year 9 and now I realized that was four years ago…what? It feels so strange to think that I was ten when I moved to California and now eight years later I am trying to figure out where to go next. I am really considering going up north to Washington or Canada, haven’t decided yet.
I have also been thinking about this blog lately as well. I never cared how many people were actually reading it and I still don’t. I just don’t know if I am really writing what I want, you know? In February, this blog will be two years old and it’s weird. This is just a platform for me to ramble and post memories and have fun, but I want to do something more with it. 
I am still writing my book, but decided that I wanted to take my time with it, rather then worry about a time deadline. It’s my first book and I want to make it good. I just need the discipline to make it. When it comes to my job, I realize that I love it, but I don’t know how long I can do it. I feel as if I am walking on thin ice every time I walk into the building and that is never a good thing. I know I will eventually need a more income job, but that is going to be so difficult. 
Turns out I am going to be going to therapy in the new year. This was my idea and I know I need it, but I am absolutely petrified. I am so scared to talk about what is going on in my head and about my past, but I have a feeling I will become a stronger and happier person. Are you in therapy? I hope it’s going well.
Finally, I just wanted to say that the internet is a vast place and if you want to be apart of it, do it. Make videos, make a blog, do whatever you want! 
Love, Haley

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