June 23, 2014
Hello Hello Hello!
Yeah, I know it’s Monday but it can’t be that bad. For all the students out there it is summer! Unless you go to year round school in that case I am sorry. For the workers in life, how was that 9 to 5? My day? It consisted of the internet and food. So pretty much like everyday. I have come to realize that my mind is a strange place. I only post a fraction of what is actually swirling around up there. I have decided that Monday will be the day that everything just comes out. Why not right?
So I woke up this morning really disturbed…last night I had a dream that I was shot in the head at a 99cent store…Why? No clue. Maybe my subconscious is afraid of dollar store shootings who really knows. Well because of that weird dream I was up early, well early for me when I don’t have to go to school.
All day I was bored, this of course gave me the opportunity to stare at my ceiling fan and think. I started thinking about my future. I will be graduating this time next year and I still have no clue what I am going to do… I used to know. When I was younger I knew what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go to University and what to study. Now I have no clue. I have grown up, I have different interests and I am currently torn between two possible future lives. Do I stay in California, major in business and dance and try to make it as a professional. Or will I move back up north, become and author and enjoy the quiet lifestyle of a small town. I have no clue what to do.
I actually keep thinking that it might be a good thing for me not to be able to dance again. What is wrong with me? I love dance, it is what gave me friends, it gave me a purpose. I just feel like I suck sometimes. I have bad confidence already so it is difficult being a dancer when you are always critiquing yourself.
There is this guy and he is so annoying I swear I am going to just punch him one day. He watches me and he seems interested in me, but he has never approached me. It is so frustrating! I thought this is what I wanted. To live in California, have friends, get a boyfriend, become famous, and be happy. I am happy, but I feel so alone. What about you? Are you alone?